Ladies at The Abbey.

It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted….I guess I’ve just been busy with my family, friends and another writing project I’ve been enjoying working on in my free time. However, I find it once again, necessary to share my personal thoughts- and since a literary agent hasn’t called to ask me for my personal opinion on all things, I’m happy to find solace in my blog format (thanks Josh), and in my wonderful friends who have found themselves here out of boredom or kindness.

One of my facebook friends recently posted a link to The Abbey in West Hollywood. Many of you are familiar with this lovely establishment that I’ve been allowed to partake in some lovely and joyful evenings in. For those of you who don’t, it is a gay bar. A very fun and loud and dark and….did I mention fun and loud? Oh, and it’s mainly for the gays. Those of you who know me, know that I love the gays. For many reasons, really. I will get into that later….Anyway, this link was announcing that The Abbey would be banning all bachelorette parties. Meaning, those groups of screaming, drunk, obnoxious (not that there is anything wrong with those things – let’s face it…been there, done that, will do it again) eh…ladies – are eighty-sixed from sharing their joy within the walls of The Abbey. They say until gay marriage is passed, these woman do not get to celebrate their upcoming nuptials amongst those who do not have that choice.  I say Well Played, The Abbey.

The reason I find myself writing about this subject is because I cannot believe I have never thought about this issue. I consider myself an advocate – quite savvy in what is appropriate behavior in the gay community – although my favorite gay bestie has dropped the ball on my education a time or two (ahem… you know who you are), I am still ignorant enough to not see how this would affect the feelings of the people in the bar, besides obvious annoyance. Hello ladies….? You are happy to drag your drunk asses into a gay bar and party with the gay community, but how do you vote on the issue of gay marriage? For some reason, I don’t think it’s in favor, on statistics alone. Maybe that’s just the pessimist in me. Or maybe it’s from the idea that they could be so disrespectful as to celebrate in a gay bar. I mean, I love that place, but would never consider it as a venue for my bachelorette party. Although, truth be told, I’m not much of a Bachelorette Party kind of girl anyhow….Let’s forget that, though…

I have a friend whom I absolutely adore. She has many gay friends and believes in the right for gays to marry and yet doesn’t believe gay couples should have the right to adopt children because she – in her words –  is such a “child advocate”. Huh? Sister, if you are reading this, I love you and it is okay to have your opinion, and I would never sell you out. I also think that one day you will change your mind. Muah (she is also very sensitive). I bring this up because it all feels very hypocritical. How is it that we can still segregate this issue? How can we put such limitations and parameters on a lifestyle? I mean – I like you and have fun with you more than most people I know, buuut, I don’t think you are responsible, kind, funny, smart (or whatever criteria) enough to adopt children or choose a life partner and by the way – I get to decide for you because I’m soooo much smarter and I have a higher moral standing, obviously. Ugh.

Yes, I know this is not a new topic. It really just breaks my heart. I mentioned earlier that I would explain why I love the gays. There is a likely possibility that I am raising a child who will be gay. Or maybe not.  Maybe you are too, and maybe your child is too afraid of not being accepted so they hide it. Just maybe. Either way, I teach my kids now that they will get to choose who they marry. Yes, I know this isn’t true now. I believe that by the time they reach the age of marriage that it will be true. I really believe that.

I went to lunch with my mother yesterday (gasp), and I know it isn’t acceptable to compare homophobia to racism, but I’m going to. I’m sharing a discussion I had with my mother and it’s my blog, so I’m going to because it’s all the same fear and hate. Hate and fear. My mother pointed out that you cannot find a person today who will casually admit to racism and voting for segregation. Quite convenient, really. Yes, it’s a good thing, but basically, socially we have made it unacceptable to be racist. We are shocked that as a society, we once judged people by the color of their skin. I believe that by the time my children are in adulthood, they will be shocked that we once judged people by who they chose to love.

So ladies, take your drunk asses to the straight bar or to your friend’s house or wherever it is that you want to annoy everyone around you. I say, good for you. Just don’t take those drunk asses to the gay bars. It’s not effing cool. It’s rubbing your rights in the noses of the ones who don’t have ’em.

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